he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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