Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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