I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Randomize
