i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
