Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
