Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
