uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
