My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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