Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
