I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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