I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
