she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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