I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
