So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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