And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
