she woke up with a sticky ear
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
