Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
