I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
