cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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