Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a beard to bite.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
