We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I touched a dick in church today
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
