is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
