my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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