What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
