My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
