I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
