Jerry, you need to find god
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
