btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
