If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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