I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
