About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
