I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So squirting runs in the family.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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