Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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