would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
