everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
