You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
