Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
