he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
