He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You don't make any sense
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