u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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