can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
