Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
God, I missed his penis.
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