Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
