Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
