College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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