Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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