That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Boobs speak an international language.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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