No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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