the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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