Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
