you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
