if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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