We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
