this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
false alarm. still invincible.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
