I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
