Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
