I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
