were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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